All I wanna do is…..

……propagate. Isn’t that what Cheryl Crow says? Oh yeah, it’s “All I wanna do is have some fun.”  Same thing. For me, anyway.

I’m enjoying propagating all different kinds of plants so much and learning about the process, what works and what doesn’t, as I learn more about the plants themselves in the process. It’s all I think about these days, propagation experiments and the amazing, wondrous process of composting, and making compost for my own use. Both vermicomposting and “regular” composting (the old standard method). I can’t get enough of these things. I want to do more, more, more. It truly is like this has a life of it’s own within me. I even lay awake many nights filled with an energy, a drive, that is indescribable at the level that I feel it, and that is really when it seems to have a life of its own. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not one bit bothersome. It’s wonderful, this aliveness. And it’s very real.

Weird?? I don’t care.

I think this has always been in me. My earliest memories in life include always feeling a great appreciation for and connection to nature. Being in my own backyard as a child in a residential neighborhood, I was always extremely aware of the plant life around me, the butterflies, ladybugs and caterpillars I’d see in the yard all the time, the beautiful sunshine. It all gave me a pleasant feeling of well-being and appreciation. I can remember the exact way I’d feel to this day. I would also feel concern for plants, anything living, in the back and front yard, and loved to go around watering all the plants. One of my favorite things to do in my alone-time outdoors as a child. I really didn’t have any reason to feel concerned about the plants, I must add, because my dad loved them just as much and always tended to them. They weren’t neglected. It was just a way that I could connect with them, I guess.

When I started school and was first learning to read I have memories of those books being about kids living on a farm and farmlife. I wanted to live on a farm. I thought every little girl must want that, but now realize that isn’t every little girl’s dream at all.  I still want to live on a farm, by the way. All of my favorite memories in life that stand out in my mind, or just pop into my mind unexpectedly at times, have the same background theme about them of being outdoors in the sunshine with a feeling of nature around me. 

It’s as if I belong there.

Something has recently opened up within me, or opened up more. I can see and feel very clearly that this …. working with soil, propagating and learning about plant life …. is where and how I want to use my life energy. It’s not just something that I want to be able to make time for when I can. I now know that I want this to be my life. It already is, inside me.  It is at the core of my life, and is where everything else will stem from. (A pretty good unintentional pun.)

I already do a lot of propagating for myself and have for a few years now, maybe more than a few. My love for it has just kept growing over that time. I’m going to keep expanding that, but now with the added intention of doing it to also sell small plants (unpatented, of course) hopefully by next year, from my own small home-nursery. I would like to incorporate: sharing what I’ve learned and sharing my love and passion for this, my own personal style…which is (I think I’m making up my own word here) “cottagey”, sharing my love for and methods of composting, all as I’m continuously enriching my own home soil more and more and having all of this growing and manifesting in my own personal surroundings, continuing to learn and grow myself.

Wow, that sounds like a thriving environment to me. I’ll start small, keep doing what I’m doing, but with this added intention that feels right to me. I’ll follow my heart and intuition. 

And, I will have fun.




A surprising realization since my sister left this earth

Since my sister passed away five months ago, I am experiencing something today that I hadn’t really expected to feel.  I do so miss being able to see her, laugh with her and talk about life. But I was thinking today that I still feel more like I have her with me than I thought I would. Her presence was so loving and heartfelt to me, maybe that’s why I can still feel as if she’s with me in some wonderful way.                                     

While we still have our loved ones here with us, it can be so nice and satisfying spending time with them and being “in the moment” with them. There is nothing like that. Just a thought — once that present moment passes and time moves on, what are we left with? We are left with the memory of that moment and that experience. Even while the person is still here in this world, that moment has passed. If it was meaningful to us and we felt a connection with that person, it seems there’s something more that we take with us from it, and are able to keep alive within us. 

While my sister was here, her presence touched me at the spirit level in such a meaningful, comforting, fun and delightful way. It has only been five months since she left, and I will always miss her, but it has occurred to me that in a way I can still feel her, hear her, and sense her more than I had imagined I’d be able to. Not like a crazy person :-), but by being able to imagine her presence and the aliveness of her spirit even “in the moments” now, as I’m doing things and sense our connectedness. What she shared with me, the time we shared together, is a part of me. 

I feel such thankfulness and joy as I realize this. I’m so thankful for her life here, for all she managed to live through, how she taught others so much by the way she lived her life and by her openness in sharing all she learned along the way, I’m thankful for the way she gave me an example of how you can live this life and still find joy in it. She also showed me by her life that pain is real. It is a part of life and it is not something that you have to pretend doesn’t exist. I saw how in such a real way she acknowledged pain, both in herself and in this world, and acknowledged beauty, joy and love just as much. Both exist. Both are part of our human experience. 

Yes, her physical body is gone from this world, and I will always miss being able to be with her in that way while here on this earth, seeing her right before my eyes in the present moment and interacting with her fresh perspectives. But I am left with the gift of her spirit which she lovingly shared with me. She planted seeds of love, hope, belief in myself within me that will continue to grow as I continue to nurture them. Her presence was healing to me. Her love touched my heart and soul starting at a young age and into adulthood. That is not something that goes away. That is something that holds life and continues to grow. It is alive deep within me, still helping me, healing me, and showing me the joy in life. And it is infused with her love and her presence.