A surprising realization since my sister left this earth

Since my sister passed away five months ago, I am experiencing something today that I hadn’t really expected to feel. I do so miss being able to see her, laugh with her and talk about life. But I was thinking today that I still feel more like I have her with me than I thought I would. Her presence was so loving and heartfelt to me, maybe that’s why I can still feel as if she’s with me in some wonderful way.                                     

While we still have our loved ones here with us, it can be so nice and satisfying spending time with them and being “in the moment” with them. There is nothing like that. Just a thought — once that present moment passes and time moves on, what are we left with? We are left with the memory of that moment and that experience. Even while the person is still here in this world, that moment has passed. If it was meaningful to us and we felt a connection with that person, it seems there’s something more that we take with us from it, and are able to keep alive within us. 

While my sister was here, her presence touched me at the spirit level in such a meaningful, comforting, fun and delightful way. It has only been five months since she left, and I will always miss her, but it has occurred to me that in a way I can still feel her, hear her, and sense her more than I had imagined I’d be able to. Not like a crazy person :-), but by being able to imagine her presence and the aliveness of her spirit even “in the moments” now, as I’m doing things and sense our connectedness. What she shared with me, the time we shared together, is a part of me. 

I feel such thankfulness and joy as I realize this. I’m so thankful for her life here, for all she managed to live through, how she taught others so much by the way she lived her life and by her openness in sharing all she learned along the way, I’m thankful for the way she gave me an example of how you can live this life and still find joy in it. She also showed me by her life that pain is real. It is a part of life and it is not something that you have to pretend doesn’t exist. I saw how in such a real way she acknowledged pain, both in herself and in this world, and acknowledged beauty, joy and love just as much. Both exist. Both are part of our human experience. 

Yes, her physical body is gone from this world, and I will always miss being able to be with her in that way while here on this earth, seeing her right before my eyes in the present moment and interacting with her fresh perspectives. But I am left with the gift of her spirit which she lovingly shared with me. She planted seeds of love, hope, belief in myself within me that will continue to grow as I continue to nurture them. Her presence was healing to me. Her love touched my heart and soul starting at a young age and into adulthood. That is not something that goes away. That is something that holds life and continues to grow. It is alive deep within me, still helping me, healing me, and showing me the joy in life. And it is infused with her love and her presence. 

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