Just authentically me

I am in a place of loving the self expression, creativity, and sense of freedom that I am experiencing right now in my life. I can feel that much is happening within. I see the wonderful ways that so many others are sharing and focusing their gifts on particular areas and life issues that they feel led to bring healing to, for themselves and others.

Through the deep inner-healing work I have personally been doing for myself the last year and a half, using the very methods that I am offering on my website, I have definitely experienced some deep transformation that I am so thankful for. I long to move forward, as I continue exploring and healing for myself, to sharing with others and offering tender presence, love, the potential of new possibilities and healing. And at the same time, I’m feeling like I don’t quite know where I “fit” yet.

What is the one area that I would really like to help other people with, that is so important to me in life and that I am being led to share with people? I’m not sure what that is yet. I am seeing and listening to people who are all doing such wonderful healing work in the area they have been called to, or led to. I am feeling, now, that I am at the beginning of this new path….the path of following my own heart, soul and spirit, above anything else. I have been led here and that is the path I want to be on more than anything else. Things take time, happen and develop in their own divine timing. I have no doubt that energy is moving and wonderful things are happening within me, and the reason is because I have chosen to open to it and to be engaged in it. I can feel it.

I am not sure what exactly is mine to do yet. But I do know that I am being led and that I have a heart that is urging me to share what is inspiring me all the time. I have felt like, “well, but first I have to have a place to “focus” that, a plan for where it’s going and goals around it.” But that is not where I am at this moment, and I’m now feeling like that’s ok. What if I do go ahead and share these things that come to me in moments of great inspiration when it feels like I’m being shown or told something that is not coming from my mind, but from somewhere deep within…or from somewhere in the cosmos? I just know it’s not something that I “thought up”. It came to me from somewhere else and in a different way. I feel the nudge. The excitement and the urge to share it. But then I think, I’m not ready yet. Everythings not in place yet. I need more clarity.

Today I am choosing to accept that maybe this is right where I’m supposed to be and is what is mine to share. I have decided that when I feel these nudges to share something, whatever it may be, I will do it, in my own words, in my own way, and I will try my very best to accept that I have done it “well enough/good enough”. I am aware that that is something working in me right now, being “enough” as I am, and that is all part of my journey. I also am reminding myself that in the spiritual realm things don’t usually work the same as they do here ….. everything can be used. Anyone and everything can be used for a divine purpose, and in ways that we don’t even know about or wouldn’t be able to understand.

This came to me this morning and I wrote it down:

You don’t have to be perfect.

You don’t have to be smart.

You don’t have to be talented.

You don’t have to have any grand plan.

You don’t have to go at a pace that doesn’t feel right to you.

You don’t have to speak eloquently.

You don’t have to have it all together.

All you have to do is be you.

Being you, authentically you, is all that is needed to bring healing to yourself, and subsequently, to bring healing to others.

My friend, the Mockingbird

I’m enjoying listening to a Mockingbird in my yard so much. It’s going through it’s repertoire right now as I’m typing this. It makes me feel so good to hear it and gives me a sense of well-being. Like all is right with the world while it’s singing ….. and that’s a bold statement to make right now in this world.  It visits almost daily and I miss it if I don’t hear it for a day or two. I actually wasn’t familiar with what a Mockingbird was until I recently did a search online to try to identify what bird might be singing so beautifully in the yard every day. I just assumed Mockingbirds, from the name given to them, wouldn’t be very pleasant-sounding birds having “mock” in there. Without ever really thinking about it, I just assumed it may only make annoying sounds. I’m so pleased to have this visitor to my yard. What a huge difference a little visitor like that can make in someone’s day and someone’s life if they delight in it like I do.

A surprising realization since my sister left this earth

Since my sister passed away five months ago, I am experiencing something today that I hadn’t really expected to feel. I do so miss being able to see her, laugh with her and talk about life. But I was thinking today that I still feel more like I have her with me than I thought I would. Her presence was so loving and heartfelt to me, maybe that’s why I can still feel as if she’s with me in some wonderful way.                                     

While we still have our loved ones here with us, it can be so nice and satisfying spending time with them and being “in the moment” with them. There is nothing like that. Just a thought — once that present moment passes and time moves on, what are we left with? We are left with the memory of that moment and that experience. Even while the person is still here in this world, that moment has passed. If it was meaningful to us and we felt a connection with that person, it seems there’s something more that we take with us from it, and are able to keep alive within us. 

While my sister was here, her presence touched me at the spirit level in such a meaningful, comforting, fun and delightful way. It has only been five months since she left, and I will always miss her, but it has occurred to me that in a way I can still feel her, hear her, and sense her more than I had imagined I’d be able to. Not like a crazy person :-), but by being able to imagine her presence and the aliveness of her spirit even “in the moments” now, as I’m doing things and sense our connectedness. What she shared with me, the time we shared together, is a part of me. 

I feel such thankfulness and joy as I realize this. I’m so thankful for her life here, for all she managed to live through, how she taught others so much by the way she lived her life and by her openness in sharing all she learned along the way, I’m thankful for the way she gave me an example of how you can live this life and still find joy in it. She also showed me by her life that pain is real. It is a part of life and it is not something that you have to pretend doesn’t exist. I saw how in such a real way she acknowledged pain, both in herself and in this world, and acknowledged beauty, joy and love just as much. Both exist. Both are part of our human experience. 

Yes, her physical body is gone from this world, and I will always miss being able to be with her in that way while here on this earth, seeing her right before my eyes in the present moment and interacting with her fresh perspectives. But I am left with the gift of her spirit which she lovingly shared with me. She planted seeds of love, hope, belief in myself within me that will continue to grow as I continue to nurture them. Her presence was healing to me. Her love touched my heart and soul starting at a young age and into adulthood. That is not something that goes away. That is something that holds life and continues to grow. It is alive deep within me, still helping me, healing me, and showing me the joy in life. And it is infused with her love and her presence.